CONTROL YOUR ANGER BEFORE IT CONTROLS YOU
Words: Abhisekh Maskey ( Director of Marketing and PR)
Do you get furious when someone cuts you off in traffic? Don’t you get annoyed when your colleague asks you unnecessary questions? Don’t you feel like killing that person who shows up late for a pre-planned meeting? Personally, it’s all an affirmative from my side.
Anger is a natural, and at times, healthy emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems—problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in the overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you’re at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion.
My father usually tells me “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured and that vessel is your own body” and yes it’s true in terms of your health as well as your relationship with people around you. I have met and been around a few aggressive people and when I ask them about why they get angry so fast their reactions are the same as the myths about anger management.
“At times you might think that the people around you are too sensitive, that your anger is justified, or that you need to show your fury to get respect. But the truth is that anger is much more likely to damage your relationships.”
A few myths about anger management:
- I shouldn’t hold my anger, I should let it out: You shouldn’t hold your anger you should express it. But you should make sure you know HOW and WHAT you express. “Words are like bullets, once it’s out, you can’t undo it”
- I can’t control my anger: May be you can’t control how you feel but you can control how you express yourself. And you can express your anger without being abusive.
- Anger helps you get your things done: You want me to get your work done, you are completely dependent on me and you still act arrogant to me? True power doesn’t come from bullying others. People may be afraid of you, but they won’t respect you if you can’t control yourself or handle opposing viewpoints. Others will be more willing to listen to you and accommodate your needs if you communicate in a respectful way.
- I suffer from high blood pressure: And I have an elephant made of gold. What’s your point?
At times you might think that the people around you are too sensitive, that your anger is justified, or that you need to show your fury to get respect. But the truth is that anger is much more likely to damage your relationships, impair your judgment, get in the way of success, and have a negative impact on the way people see you.
Let me share with you a few tips to tame your anger:
- Take a DEEP breath: I do this all the time. As soon as I get angry, my mind quickly scripts an insult directed at that person. I take a deep breath and think if it’s the right thing to say. Trust me the answer is normally a NO. Just a few seconds of pause can help you save relationships and get you out of trouble. The next time you want to call someone a camel-looking-scrotum-licker… take a deep breath.
- Go to your happy corner: Go to your balcony or your room or your terrace where there is no one. At times going to a quiet place and staying alone for a bithelps you calm down drastically.
- Think before you speak: I read it on twitter a few days back “Whatever you say when you are pissed at someone makes an award winning dialogue the other person will never forget”. Maybe they will never forget it and your relationship with that person will never be the same as well. Make sure you think what the other person will think before you say something when you are angry.
- Don’t focus on the problem, focus on the solution: You get angry because there is a problem. Always remember, every problem comes with a solution. You have to focus on the solution not the problem.
- Know the core of your anger: At times we tend to get angry about anything and everything because there is something else that’s bothering us in the back of our head. That’s wrong. Don’t let your frustration on something upset someone who has nothing to do with it.
- Using humor to release your tension: Laughter is always the best medicine. Remember how Dr. Asthana (Boman Irani) used to laugh as soon as he got angry in the movie Munna Bhai MBBS. Try it out, you will look like an idiot but it definitely help you cool yourself down. There is no doubt that you are capable of unleashing your inner hulk from time to time. We can’t control anger but we can control how we express it. At times ignorance is bliss. Saying what you want to say is not as important as the relationships it might hamper.