Confidential (18+)

MYTHS ABOUT SEX

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Sex should be well informed, just as should your sexual decisions because your experiences will affect your present and your future. There are many untruths, masquerading as truisms when it comes to sex and sexuality. Sure, there are some that are plain hilarious but there are also those myths that if you continue believing, might change your life, maybe for the worse.

It’s time to sort things out!

1 Watching porn is exclusively a ‘guy thing’: This is very unfair to men and women and it involuntarily binds us in gender roles expecting us to fulfill them. The reality is that both sexes have the same strength in rapid increase in electrical brain activity after watching a raunchy video. That’s just a nerdy way for saying both sexes are equally turned on by porn. Porn is a great way to find out what you find sexually appealing but you should be realistic about how real “engineered” porn is.

2 The second myth that stems from the first has many believing that unless sex is as loud, kinky or acrobatic as you see in porn it is not good sex. Screw that! Sex will be messy, sweaty, noisy (you never know which one of your orifices will decide to make a statement!), but it will be yours and you are the star.

3 Then there is the one which has most guys feeling like a positive stud while the more experienced ones laugh it off. “Guys are always ready for sex”. You know that’s untrue and it is absolutely alright if you don’t want to get it on and your female partner does. Because, unlike some silly unfair social construct that “girls never pressure guys to have sex”, women enjoy getting it on as much as the next man.

4 Now, here’s something that falls in a grey area: “men are intimidated by the vibrator”. There are plenty of men who are confident in their sexual prowess and enjoy the kinkiness of sex toys in the bedroom. The vibration and intensity of pleasure the vibrator brings to a session can be amazing to all parties involved. Of course, there may be a select few who feel threatened by the battery powered device in the hands of their partner.

5 Here’s one that bodes applicable for both the sexes: “The G-spot does not really exist” myth. There is a French study that has found physical evidence of a zone in the area of women’s pubic/ vaginal region. It is on the inside and an extension of the clitoris. To find it “Lie on your back and have your partner (or yourself) use one or two fingers to stimulate the upper front wall of your vagina with a ‘come here’ motion.”

The cold, hard truth is that sperm can be in the pre-ejaculate f luid as well.

6 “Orgasms are supposed to be earth shattering!!” Yes, orgasms can be mind numbingly great, but just because it is not does not mean that there is something wrong. It is perfectly ok if you experience a mellower version of the said earth shattering moment. (Note: The chances of achieving more violently blissful orgasms are greater if the woman is relaxed, and well lubricated through ample foreplay!)

7 There are misconceptions about sex that could put you in a tough spot, especially if you are not in a place in your life where you want a child (or can afford to get an STI.) “It’s impossible to get pregnant when a girl is having her period.” The reality is, sperm can live inside a woman’s body for up to a week. There are more chances of getting pregnant if a woman has a shorter cycle. If a girl has had sex during her period and she ovulates shortly after, sperm could be lurking around for the right moment to get down to business.

8 Then there seems to be the myth about “A girl can’t get pregnant the first time she has sex”. If a girl is ovulating, then it does not matter whether it is her first or 1000th time having sex. Pregnancy is a result of a man’s sperm fertilizing a woman’s egg. Neither the sperm nor the egg care how many times you’ve had sex previously. You can avoid the risk of pregnancy by using a contraceptive (hormonal or condom) every time or not have sex at all.

9 This I think is one of the most dangerous myths floating around, “Drinking and drugs make sex much more fun”. You can call me grandma all you want, but I do think this is the worst myth! Being drunk or high on drugs makes it hard to make good decisions especially about sex. This means you’re less likely to practice safe sex and could end up with something much worse than a hangover: a sexually transmitted infection (STI), an unplanned pregnancy or equally worse expose yourself to a sexual assault/rape (both men and women are at risk). If you want to Ma.Pa.Se have a friend who will be sober so they will be your designated protection!

10 Many of us wish this would work unfortunately it doesn’t really, “The withdrawal method won’t get a girl knocked up”. The cold, hard truth is that sperm can be in the pre-ejaculate f luid as well. A lot of pregnancies have happened because of the withdrawal method. The condom is your best friend- no pregnancies, no STI!

11 “A girl only needs to take birth control pills right before she’s going to have sex” or “The pill is completely effective the first day you begin taking it”. The boring science behind the birth control pill is that they are made up of hormones that must serially build up in the body to be effective. The pills have to be taken in a specific order at about the same time every day. When a woman skips a day or skips a non-placebo pill, it’ll alter the effectiveness of the birth control. Unfortunately, a girl needs to take the pill for one full month or one full menstrual cycle for the pill to become completely effective. The first month on the pill, should always be accompanied with a second form of contraception if you and your girl will be making the sexy.

It may seem to you like a lot of these myths are about women, well they are. Since it does take two to tango, fore warned is for armed! Enjoy!

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Chari

Chari

Contributor at TNM Magazine

Chari is a public health consultant who has special interest and work experience in the field of reproductive and sexual health. She also hosts a radio programme on RVLRADIO called Turn It On.