Now look at the relationship we are in. We’ve been going out with this amazing person for a couple of years now, but being with them isn’t as euphoric as it used to be. Kissing them seems like a chore, morning wood is frowned upon, and anniversaries don’t seem to lead to something more anymore. When confronted with a fix like such, no man fails to wonder: where did I go wrong?

There are many theories to this; but the most convincing one is that we have begun to take our partners for granted. To be more clear, when we get into a relationship, our insides are infested with little winged creatures that eventually fly away once we start to get comfortable. And then we get married, these butterflies return, only to flee once again. The honeymoon phase seems to be a cycle.

This fact is hard on us and maybe that’s why we men have a high suicide rate; we just can’t put 2 and 2 together here. But the fact we tend to overlook is that we think that there is no hope. Just because you two are not fornicating as much as you did does not mean that they don’t love you anymore. They do. There are just fewer things to explore now. So, if you’re taking hints, new areas to explore is what you need to create, more adventure, and here’s how you can do that and rekindle the fire in your dwindling and sexless marriage.

WHY DID YOU FALL IN THE FIRST PLACE

Maybe it was their smile, the way they move their hands when they talk, or how creases populate around their eyes when they laugh; there must be some reasons why you fell in love with them. Over time, we tend to take all of these good qualities of them for granted. If you were to live in Taj Mahal, it won’t take you long to stop marvelling at the Mugal craftsmanship. Relationships aren’t like jeans, they don’t get better after being lived in. So, re-realize your partner’s qualities and think that you’re the luckiest man alive, and be glad that you have them.

A HANDY TIP

Time and physical contact have an inversely proportionate relationship; as time goes by, touch decreases. And touch is directly proportionate to getting action; more touch gives more sin. So touch your partner more often. Hold their hand while watch the T.V., give them a shoulder rub every now and then, pat them when they make you laugh, a hug when you or they get home, keep a quota of a kiss a day; touching makes them feel comfortable and secure around you.

NO DISTRACTIONS

No one is built equal so you and your partner don’t have the same level of arousal. You may get aroused and stay that way for long, but they may not. But when you do get them there, make sure you keep them there. One way the horny-o-meter drops is due to distractions. If you remember that you have to do the dishes or the laundry, sex will not be as indulgent as it was supposed to be. So clear out everything before you find yourselves between the sheets.

MAKE A LIST

They may like to have their ears kissed or have your nails run down their back. If know these, you’re going to hell if you don’t do enough of them. Make a list of things you know they like and make it a point to perform every one of them when you’re in bed together. When you do experiment, keep track of their reactions. Keep a scale of reactions that goes from dozing-off to ear-bleeding-moans and rate your new move accordingly. If the latter is achieved, the move deserves a high spot on the list and they’ll want more of it.

COMPLIMENTS

The mind-set of if-it-ain’t-broke-why-fix-it is common. It may be true, but the flip side of it can be disadvantageous; if it’s working okay, why bother to talk about it at all? When they’re returning the favour and you’re enjoying it, let them know. Tell them you love it when they do that. Saying that will let them know they’re doing the right thing and encourage them to do it more, and even look forward to doing it for you next time.

BIG BOY TOY

Technology has collaborated with a wide number of things and one of them is the human sex drive. Humanity has created tools to pleasure itself and when such resources are available to us, why not exploit it. Spice the usual session by bringing in a special friend to give you a hand; your partner will appreciate the extra company. Just don’t go overboard right away with a veiny looking 4-foot one.

SPEAKING OF SPICING THINGS UP…

Have you considered BDSM? It may sound a bit like torture, but sweet pain is a thing. Think of it like how you may love to stroke that bit of skin that has flayed on your finger tip. There’s a line between pleasure and pain, however, so make sure that you don’t overdo it. Many fantasize of being overpowered and have things done to them that are unspeakable; so make the best of it. Then again, go slow. There’s no rush.

GROOM YOURSELF

When they say that they like to be overpowered, they mean by a Christen Grey sort of guy, not a ski-mask wearing, hairy, rapey kind of guy. So take a flash back to the time when you two had just hit it off. You’d pump some iron, shower, shave, wear nice cologne, and put on a suit to go out with them. That was your ticket to ride. And now that you’ve gotten comfortable with them, you’ve swapped that ticket with your notion of sweatpants and ratty tees being dressy. You’ve been sloppy, and sloppy is synonymous to not sexy. Not sexy equals minimal sex.

SNEAK ONE IN

They invented kid shows for a reason; to get the attention of children and make something out of their time. So while your little ones are being babysat by Blu’s Clues, run up to the bed room for a quickie; they’ll never find out. And remember that bit about being adventurous? This does that.

WHEN YOU DON’T WANT IT

Now that you’ve played everything right, your partner will have a hard time resisting you. But what happens when all you want is a beauty sleep after a long day? Well, just go with it. See, if you hit all the right spots and they do the same, you’re bound to have a good time. In addition, you’re being refreshed whilst saving your marriage; a win-win, no?

Compiled by: Nirveek PPJ Shah

ENSEMBLES FOR THE GROOM-TO-BE: DRESSING UP MADE EASY

Traditional Daura Suruwal set from MONALISA EXCLUSIVE TEXTILES, DurbarMarg styled with Royal Pearl Jewellery and a white feathered brooch from MANYAVAR| Red Blazer with Dhaka lapels from POZAK, Gairidhara.

 PHOTO: SHASHANK PRADHAN

LOCATION COURTESY: GOKARNA FOREST RESORT

MODEL: VARUN SJB RANA

MAKE-UP ARTIST: SWASTIKA RAJBHANDARI

STYLED BY: TNM TEAM

It’s a good idea to be on point for your wedding. After all, all eyes are going to be on you and you might as well be worth the attention. That means that you have give attention to details. With so many things going on, it is very easy to neglect your ensemble.

Nepali weddings go on for days, for the groom there are three days that stand out. First is the bachelor night where you live the last few hours as a bachelor. Then is the swayambar, where you officially exchange rings with your soon to be better half. Last is the reception party where you introduce yourself as a married man to the society.

During the bachelor party, you surely are to get carried away with what your friends have planned for you. So in our cheat sheet we have assembled for you the things which require minimal effort. Also we have carefully selected accessories which you might require during the party. On that note, try carrying fewer accessories as you are likely to lose track of them as the night goes by. A sign that the bachelor party was legendary.

On to the Swayambar, which is a traditional ritual in a Nepali wedding, where the bride and the groom exchange rings as a promise to be beside each other till their last breath. Keeping in mind the level of nervousness one might be experiencing we have put together a combination for daura surwal along with few accessories. For this day make sure you look sharp, have a clean shave and that you wear a pair of new socks as you are the center of attraction.

Finally, on the reception you will be introduced as a married man to the society, so make sure you look your best that night. Along with your tuxedo try incorporating accessories such as cufflinks, pocket squares, watches among others.

Before getting out of your room for your big day, check this cheat sheet so that you will be prepared for every event that comes your way.

THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO THROWING A BACHELOR PARTY

PHOTO: SHASHANK PRADHAN

LOCATION COURTESY: GOKARNA FOREST RESORT

MODEL: VARUN SJB RANA

MAKE-UP ARTIST: SWASTIKA RAJBHANDARI

STYLED BY: TNM TEAM

WORDS: SAMYUKTA DAWADI

BATTLING COLD FEET: WEDDING ISSUE

Black Tuxedo Jacket with a Maroon Shawl Lapel | White Tuxedo Shirt from MONALISA EXCLUSIVE TEXTILES, Durbar Marg | Maroon Silk Tie from JOHN PLAYERS, Durbar Marg.

This is what you’ve always really wanted. To spend the rest of your life with the woman you love, start a new life, a new family. Take on newer, greater responsibilities. You are going to get married to your soul mate. Or are you? Maybe you’re rushing into things. Do you want to be tied down to one woman for the rest of your life? Is this what you really want?

It is common to get anxious as you get closer to your wedding day. For some it can be subtle lack in confidence and surety, some might just one last fling before getting hitched while for some may seemingly realize that they are making a huge mistake. Luckily, most of the time, this freak-out period just means you’re suffering from a case of pre-wedding jitters; more commonly known as cold feet.

When we are first involved with someone, we tend to focus and love the things we have in common with them. Even our differences with them can seem exciting at first. However, as intimate relationships progress, differences can come more to the fore leading to conflicts and even feelings of estrangement. This is normal, but many people are confused by this dynamic. Many people have the notion that there is a ‘perfect match’ for them and that the happiness and success of marriage depends on finding this match. With this view, there is a lot of pressure riding on the choice of partner. Normal differences between partners including natural differences in intimacy and communication styles induce doubts about compatibility. If you’re expecting everything to be conflict free and close to perfect, it can produce a lot of uncertainty when the reality doesn’t coincide.

It is frequently the case that as couples get closer to marriage, they encounter new areas of conflict that surprise them. The terrible thing about these feelings is that they can be a lonely burden. Most people view this feeling, or what we term cold feet, as unacceptable feelings that cannot be shared-certainly not with their partner. So what can you do when you are suffering from this last minute nervousness and how can you tackle these feelings in a wholesome manner? Read on.

ACCEPT THE FACTS:

Get comfortable with the idea that you’re making a choice to stay in this relationship even though you’re feeling anxious. The more you accept, the more easily you will work through your anxiety. One of the crucial differences between those who work through relationship anxiety and those who remain stuck in it, is the ability to remove the voice in your head that keeps saying, “I’m anxious because I’m with the wrong girl. If I was with the right person, I wouldn’t feel anxious and I would be happily engaged and excitedly planning my wedding.” This is the lie you’re telling yourself so that you don’t have to dive into the deeper, more uncomfortable feelings. As long as you keep thinking the problem is your partner, you have an easy escape hatch from your anxiety.

DEAL WITH YOUR FEELINGS:

Once you take full responsibility for your anxiety, you can start to dive into the terrain of your inner landscape and explore what’s living there. This is not an easy work as it requires understanding that feeling grief, loss, fear, vulnerability and loneliness are inherent to any life transition. As you let go of your identity and lifestyle as a single person, it’s normal to feel loss and fear. The more you allow yourself to feel these uncomfortable feelings instead of distracting yourself from them (through focusing on the planning or attaching to your negative thoughts), the more quickly they will pass through you and you’ll experience the joy, excitement, and clarity that you’re longing to feel.

“ONCE YOU TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ANXIETY, YOU CAN START TO DIVE INTO THE TERRAIN OF YOUR INNER LANDSCAPE AND EXPLORE WHAT’S LIVING THERE.”

YOUR BEST FRIEND:

There is always one person that you will have throughout your marriage process that will always be by your side. It can be your brother, your best friend or anyone you’re closest to. He is your equivalent of the best man. He is your confidant and if there is anyone who can help with your feelings about cold feet, it is him. Be honest with him and he’ll give you the straight goods on whether you’re being totally irrational or have a valid concern. Don’t exclusively consult the man in the mirror, as you’re not likely to be in the best position to determine whether or not you’re being irrational! Put well-earned faith in your best man and trust his judgment.

TALK ABOUT IT WITH YOUR FIANCÉE IF POSSIBLE (NOT ALWAYS RECOMMENDED)

If you and your bride to be are great communicators, it’s okay to voice that you’re a bit nervous. She may be nervous, too. By talking about it, you may be able to unravel the small knot in your stomach. If your nervousness to marry is based on a few minor problems with her that you’d like to see changed in married life, you can initiate this discussion with her in a positive tone. She probably has a short wish list of constructive criticisms as well. Keep the conversation positive, with the accent not on the fact that you’re a bit cold-footed, but on improving your relationship.

Challenge the false thoughts: There are false thoughts that you’ll need to challenge, with a different protocol for each type: one is the unrealistic expectations of romance and marriage and another is one’s personal false beliefs that one has about love. These involve thoughts like, “If I really loved her, I would feel 100 percent certain about being with her and would never feel doubt”, “true love means feeling that feeling.” If you are feeling so, what you really need to realise is that you have spent a lifetime absorbing the dysfunctional cultural messages about love and marriage. Now you need to get real and immerse yourself in the truth. Everything in our culture, from the time you were young, has set you up to believe that your wedding would be a great moment and something that should commence without any negative feelings.

“EVERYTHING IN OUR CULTURE, FROM THE TIME YOU WERE YOUNG, HAS SET YOU UP TO BELIEVE THAT YOUR WEDDING WOULD BE A GREAT MOMENT AND SOMETHING THAT SHOULD COMMENCE WITHOUT ANY NEGATIVE FEELINGS.”

But the truth is that, for many people, transitions are doorways into wholeness, opportunities to excavate deep-seated false beliefs and untended wounded so that you can heal them and experience greater joy and fulfilment on the other side of the transition. Most people don’t know this, and how would they? Nothing in our culture prepares us for this reality.

It is completely common to feel anxious about getting married. It is one of the biggest milestones of anyone’s life. What follows after is usually a good fairytale with a few hiccups, but mild apprehension before it is completely understandable. However, letting these feelings of apprehension get in the way of and hindering your wedding is a mistake you might live to regret. Of course, now that you have a basic guide of how to go about things, it shouldn’t be a problem.

PHOTO: SHASHANK PRADHAN

LOCATION COURTESY: GOKARNA FOREST RESORT

MODEL: VARUN SJB RANA

MAKE-UP ARTIST: SWASTIKA RAJBHANDARI

STYLED BY: TNM TEAM

WORDS: SAMYUKTA DAWADI

The hectic rituals and ceremonies are finally out of the way and you’re alone with your newlywed wife. The doors are locked, the curtains are drawn and you’re together in bed; both a bundle of anxiety and excitement. Now, you are either looking into the eyes of the woman you’ve loved for years and promised to do so for the rest of your life or into those of someone you’ve just recently made that promise to.

Regardless of whether it’s your first time having sex with your new wife or whether you’ve had sex with her before, you will want your wedding night sex to sizzle. Making this night perfect will earn you brownie points for many years to come. Here’s how you make sure you tick all the right boxes.

Why it’s special to her

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why the first night is so special to any bride. Apart from the fact that she has been envisioning this moment from the time she was eight, she will be looking as beautiful as she has ever looked. And everyone will be telling her that. She will also be giddy with joy. This is her day, and it will hopefully be a beginning to a new beautiful phase of her life. Furthermore, being surrounded by family and friends, she is finally comfortable with the fact that she doesn’t have to hide your relationship from her loved ones.

This might be one of the happiest days of her life, and she would want every aspect of it to be just perfect, that includes a beautiful magnificent night.

THE SET UP

Make the night special and reap the rewards for a long time to come. We say this on very few select situations, which means we really mean it: do not fear the clichés. Watch a few chick flicks and note things down.

ANTICIPATION

Anticipation can be very arousing for women, so use that to your advantage. Titillate her sexual side throughout the day by doing whispering the dirty things you plan on doing to her later that night. If you get the chance, get her alone during the day and makeout somewhere where there’s a risk of getting caught. Don’t get caught though.

You can also give her sexy lingerie she can wear on the night. She will want to flaunt it for you on the night. Check out Pg. 48 for a head start.

GET A ROOM

It might be a good idea to rent a room in a nice hotel for the night. There are many of us who live with other members of the family, and if you plan on doing things right you will not want them anywhere around the building.

Opt for a place not too far away.

SET THE MOOD

Like we said, embrace the clichés. Opt for dim lighting, and a cozy environment. Spread Rose petals on the bed and floor and light a scented candle. In fact, you can go the whole nine yards and order some champagne on ice and play soft romantic music as well. Be a gentleman throughout the night, you can afford to ditch it when you get into the sheets.

FIRST TIME’S A CHARM

Premarital virginity is no longer a prerequisite for marriage, and as mature adults we’re sure you have come to terms with this reality. However, there is a chance that you and/or your wife have been waiting for your marriage to get intimate with someone, which is completely alright. However, perfecting your game on the first go is a long shot. A long shot, yes, but not impossible.

IT’S HER FIRST TIME

You’ve got your work cut out for you. If she was your girlfriend before she became your wife and she had been saving herself for you, congratulations.It is your job now, to make sure you repay her and make the wait worthwhile. This means that you have to be gentle and loving. Take it slowly and indulge in a LOT of foreplay. Make sure she is comfortable and relaxed. Of course, you are the experienced one here so you should take charge in guiding her throughout the entire process. Make sure you’re ready to slowdown or even stop if she asks you to.

Opt for dim lighting, and a cozy environment. Spread Rose petals on the bed and floor and light a scented candle.

IT’S YOUR FIRST TIME

Your best bet is to stick to the basics. Despite the lack of the practical experience, we’re sure you’ve got the theory down to a T. But, the thing is that years of pornography might have established a very wrong image of what sex should be, at least for the first number of times.

Take time to explore her body and penetrate slowly. We know you’ve been waiting a long time but you do not want to look like a teenager getting lucky.

BEEN THERE DONE THAT

If you’ve had sex before, you have already experienced the first night exhilaration. That just puts even more pressure on you to make the night that much more special. One way you can do that is by banning sex a few weeks (or months) before your wedding night. This will help you recreate the anticipation that isn’t there in everyday sex life. For a period of time before the wedding, ban all sexual contact so that your desire for each other will build up until the wedding night.

Congratulations Stud! You have learned the crafts required to make your first night with your wife a special one. Remember: have fun, embrace the clichés for once and make sure she will remember this night for the rest of her life.

WORDS: SAMYUKTA DAWADI

A wedding is a great occasion for two different people to come closer but if only it was so simple. Not only does marriage bring together two people it combines the coming together of two families with versatile personalities too. Like they say, the girls in our society do not marry a man, they marry a clan.

For a newlywed bride, adjusting whole-heartedly into her new home with an entirely new set of family members is the biggest challenge she has to face right after marriage. The situation becomes all the more difficult, especially if a bride is entering a traditional joint family setup, while she comes from a nuclear family herself. In a joint family there will be all sorts of members with different temperaments, nature and perspectives. And amongst them all, there will always be those few who are more demanding than others. Plus there is the whole new system of doing things like additional responsibilities as a daughter in law and the role of keeping everybody happy and satisfied. Trust me; it is hard being a woman. But being a man, you don’t have to feel helpless. You are the only one who can and who must make all this easier for her. Here’s how you go about it.

HELP HER UNDERSTAND YOUR FAMILY DYNAMICS

Remember, the person you are marrying was not brought up under the same roof as you were. No two families are the same, so accept the fact that it will be difficult for her and give her some time to adjust. But at the same time help her by being open and willing to talk things in detail with her to help prepare her for what is to come. Just remember, opening up and sharing will bring her closer to you. It will naturally build your intimacy and trust. She will also have a better base for understanding what to expect as a daughter in law in your house and as your wife.

MAKE HER FEEL AT HOME

It is a good idea to make her feel comfortable in any which way possible. And it is the little things that make a difference. Of course, you have to go the extra mile. You can start off by creating an environment she is familiar with. It can be as simple as making your room resemble the one she used to be in before she got married. Or, if she used to have a pet before, get her one.

TALK TO YOUR PARENTS BEFORE HAND

Your parents and your wife are clearly the most important people in your life. Each one has their place in your heart. You must do your bit to ensure that neither feels neglected. They both need your respect and time. Show your parents that you marriage does not mean that they will be neglected. Ask them to welcome your wife into the family and to ensure that she is given the love and respect she is entitled to.

SPEND AS MUCH TIME AS YOU CAN

Your wife is an extra special priority during the first year of married life together, when the bonds between the two of you are still being formed, and as such are more tenuous. If at all possible, make a serious attempt at limiting the amount of time you must be away, and business travels which takes you away from home overnight should be curtailed to the extent possible. You don’t have to follow your wife around 24/7, but try not to be away so much during this critical time.

BE THE BRIDGE

No one understands your wife’s quirks better than you do and you also know the flaws of your own family. This is why you have to be the bridge between them for the first few months (or years) before everyone is settled in. For instance, if your new wife can’t handle the sight of raw meat and your family has the tendency to bring masses of meat every Saturday to cook, tell your family about it. Similarly, if your father has a nasty habit of belching after every meal, warn your wife beforehand.

ACCEPT HER FOR WHO SHE IS

She is not a piece of clay so please don’t enter the marriage thinking you can ‘mould’ her to your liking- because you can’t! Both of you have to adjust to each other’s ways and respect each other’s requirements. Don’t attempt to force her to act like you want her to , instead if she seems lost, talk to her, be there for her and try to make things better. After-all, compatibility is a fostered trait. When you see couples who look very ‘compatible’, it is because they work at accepting each other the way they are not by attempting to create a whole new person out of each other.

MARRYING A WORKING WIFE

Not everyone will be a stay at home wife after marriage. Your wife will probably have a job and career, expecting her to conform to the shoes of a traditional house wife is irrational. Your family, on the other hand, might expect her to do just that.

You will have to cleverly merge your wife’s life with your family’s expectations. You cannot expect her to cook and clean around the house, but it might not be entirely right to keep having your mother do it if that was how it was before the marriage. Maybe you can get some hired help around the house. Or you can move your lazy ass and help out too.

YOU CANNOT EXPECT HER TO COOK AND CLEAN AROUND THE HOUSE, BUT IT MIGHT NOT BE ENTIRELY RIGHT TO KEEP HAVING YOUR MOTHER DO IT IF THAT WAS HOW IT WAS BEFORE THE MARRIAGE.

DO NOT COMPARE HER TO HER OTHER IN-LAWS

We often see brides in the family being compared to her sister in-laws and their mother in-laws. Your intentions may not be wrong but doing so in the very early stage of marriage can really put her off. After all, she is not there to win a competition rather to make this new union work by winning hearts and developing a level of compatibility with the family. So make sure you or any of your family members don’t put in her in a difficult position and make her feel as though she is there to prove herself better than the rest. Take it easy!

GIVE HER SOME TIME TO ADJUST

Don’t push her or expect her to get familiar to everybody and everything too fast. Imposing her on your family territory might make it appear to be forced and make her more uncomfortable with the others.

TRY TO SORT OUT THE DIFFERENCES

If your wife has a problem with your parents or if your parents have a problem with the actions of your wife, don’t stay shut and let them be. Man up, it’s you who needs to step in and take responsibility of fixing it. Try to know what problem each side has, then think about it, come up with a solution and talk to both the parties.

CONTROL YOUR TEMPER

Things can get tough and adjusting to a new life may be overwhelming for you as well. Being a relationship manager between your parents and your wife can be a daunting task, and at times it is very easy to lose your cool. However try your best to control it and most importantly try to avoid showing your displeasure of one in front of the other. And more specifically don’t criticize one in front of the other.

A majority of how the first period of marriage turns out depends on your way of handling of the situation. Since the bone of contention is you, the responsibility is also upon you to maintain peace in the house. Do not be a good son without also being a good husband.

Well, you’ve finally decided to settle down and live the life of a married man so it is imperative that you get the right guidance. You don’t want to be the same guy who keeps bitching about how married life sucks do you? Good. Read on.

DURING THE WEDDING

Let’s begin at the starting line. Our traditions include a painstaking amount of rituals and formalities during the wedding. It can be tiresome but there is no escaping it. Here are a few pointers to keep in mind.

Patience: It is a virtue you will need to acquire for the wedding. Rituals are always a bore and your own wedding will hammer the point home. Your best bet is to stay calm and do as you are instructed. It will all be over soon.

No Alcohol: We’ve seen more cases of the drunken groom than we’d liked to have, and none of them end well. Refrain from drinking at your own wedding. All eyes are on you and there are a lot of things you have to do before the ceremonies are over. You don’t want to slur your mantras do you?

Don’t invite your ex: No good can come from it. It’s something in your past and we’re sure your ex girlfriend won’t mind being uninvited.

The Pranks: It’s a fun tradition to pull a few pranks on the groom. It might not be fun for the groom though. There are two ways you can tackle this. You can either outsmart your pranksters by staying a step ahead. Or you can be the bigger man and let the wife’s side of the family have some fun. You will have to shell out a little more cash, but it might help bring some fun.

THE IN-LAWS

The chances of you getting along splendidly with your in-laws are slim and narrow. They will always treat you with the utmost respect and you will always duly reciprocate. Majority of this will, though, be a façade both parties put on in the presence of each other. Of course, this might not be the case and you actually love your in-laws and they love you right back. Whatever the case is, it is important that you tread cautiously when it comes to your in-laws.

First Impressions: First impressions last, and when it comes to yours in front of your wife’s family, you need to be right on the marl. So, put on your goody two shoes and behave yourself. It’s not necessary that you kiss ass but be sure you don’t offend anyone or give any room for negative judgments. As far as everyone knows, you are the ideal husband who can provide for his wife with as much (if not more) love and care than her parents could.

Respect: Always respect your wife’s family, and not just for the sake of it. As traditional and obsolete as this may sound, you are officially agreeing to take your wife’s family as part of your own. Also, you should be courteous enough to think of your wife’s feelings. She will want you

to get along with her family, and showing some respect shouldn’t be too much to ask for. It is the gentlemanly thing to do.

Be careful not to bad mouth your in-laws in front of your wife, or anyone. Well, maybe apart from your closest buddies; that too if you really can’t avoid it. If you do have any criticisms, you can open up to your wife about later in the marriage.

Smile and Nod: If you have any opinions that might create some negativity, keep it to yourself. If your in-laws suggest that your Santro is no longer a suitable means of transportation and you should upgrade to a Ciaz, just smile and nod. The best part is, as long as you keep the in-laws thinking that you agree with everything they say, they will be happy. Later, you can do whatever you want because they can’t really control you.

Ask her to help: You and her family are on two completely different levels and it might be difficult to get along right off the bat. The best thing you can do is ask for some pointers from your wife on how to get on the better side of your in-laws. You can enquire about topics they like to discuss and their view points regarding things you can discuss with them.

Maintain a distance: You do not necessarily have to be overly friendly with your wife’s family. If it comes naturally, it’s all well and good, but there are some things that are best kept within boundaries. For instance, you shouldn’t drink too much with your father-in-law. Even if he insists, limit yourself to one drink. Trust us on this one; it always works out for the best.

You can’t please everyone: It is your job to do your best to be a gentleman. But sometimes you just can’t make everyone happy. Accept it and keep doing what you are doing.

NO MORE CHUGGING FROSTY GLASSES OF BEAR AND BELCHING OUT THE ALPHABETS IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE.

THE CHANGES

Once you bind yourself in the holy bounds of matrimony, you will have to come to terms with the fact that things are going to change. You can no longer act like the happy-go-lucky bachelor who live life in the moment. You are a responsible man now and you should act like one. That doesn’t necessarily mean you need to become a complete bore, but you need to implement a few changes.

Stay Classy: You are a married man now and you need to act like a respectable one. This means you need to leave the bachelor act behind. No more chugging frosty glasses of bear and belching out the alphabets in front of other people. Ditch the crass language and adopt a calmer, respectable demeanor. This also means that you don’t fight or talk too rudely with your wife in public. Matters between the wife should be resolved within enclosed walls.

Finances: You need to manage your finances better now that you have entered a married life. If you haven’t started yet, there is no better time to begin saving money. You will want to start a family and create a bigger, better future. So no more free round of drinks for the guys or mindless splurging on boy toys. This applies even more during the first decades of marriage where you will just be starting to establish some stability, (May not apply as strongly if you have money to burn)

Bros before Hoes no mo’: First and foremost, you cannot refer to your wife (or any woman in that matter) as a hoe. Coming to the point; you are no longer just one of the lads. Your responsibilities lie with your family, your wife. This does not mean that you have to completely abandon your friends; you just need to prioritize your wife ahead of them.

You can still hang out with them and have fun. If the situation and people allow you to, it can be very advantageous to include your wife into your friends circle. Introduce her to your friends and you can hang out together. You will be killing two birds with one stone.