WHAT MEN SHOULD KNOW: THE SECRET WORLD
Enough of the serious talks and everlasting love! Just for a change, I’m going to take your side this time men. This is what men REALLY need to know.
Actually, it is no secret at all. We’ve been screaming and singing it out since the 1980s, “Girls just wanna have fun!!”
If men think they are the hunters who can hunt and treat women like trophies and quests then they should know that women are gatherers and they can very much treat men like another option and choice too. It’s a funny game to play and one that is so very exciting!
I can tell this to you gentlemen, no woman actually feels racked with guilt about having too many lovers or having led an army of admirers on. It is a very pleasant satisfaction when a woman feels she is sought for. The only time she feels bad is the time she ends up with what she didn’t want or she loses out on her top choice. That’s the only time it stings, the rest is all very giddy fun and believe me, it makes up for great cocktail conversation.
We women talk about everything. We gather in our pretty dresses and high heel shoes, get our wines and cocktails and then we dish. We dish out on every delectable, delicious detail of you. We will talk about the ugly colored shirt you wore, to how funny your eyebrows looked, to how dirty your feet were, the facial expression, the tone of your voice, the reply you gave, the mistake you made, the joke you said and each and everything there is to talk about ! And then we dissect it. We will sit and talk about why you chose to wear that ugly shirt, why you said what you did, what you must have actually meant, what you perhaps did mean, what we hoped that you’d say and how we can twist and translate what you said into what we hoped you’d say. We’ll change the tone of your voice, we’ll change the reply, and we’ll correct the mistakes. If you made us happy, we’ll make excuses for you. If you rub us the wrong way, we will take that mistake you made and slip it into an essay, a book (if we are with the right friends and have enough time) and make you elaborate that one mistake into an essay too and yes, our essays must be similar or we will make your life into a small private hell!
Yes, dear men, when you date a woman, you date the voices in her head and all the girls she knows and perhaps even, that boy she has friend zoned for years. She will surround herself with like-minded friends and take their advice and judge you on it. She will judge you for your actions, your inactions, your energy, your laziness, your passion and your persona.
So, if you are someone who thinks that women are limited to the kitchen, then kitchen term for you it is! In short, we slice and dice every bit of a man and if he sticks around, we will marinate him, bake him in a warm oven and prepare him for a healthy family of tomorrow. Got it?
Other than talking about you, judging you and making fun of you to show off our great skills in humor and wit, what else do we do to pass our time? Mmmm… Oh yes! We also test you. We test you on your punctuality, logical and analytical skills. How you ask? It has nothing to do with sitting in front of your X-box all day. We test it by saying something that could mean anything and we’ll say it a little differently than what most things sound like. Complicated? It is actually pretty simple, for example, “I really want to have ice-cream, but I’m starting to gain weight!” Now you can get us an ice-cream and we’ll shout at you because we just told you, about the weight gain, “Are you trying to make me fat??” Or you don’t get us an ice-cream, and we’ll say you never care for us and if by lord, you tell us it is because we talked about weight gain, then all hell will break lose “ Did you, you miserable creature, just call me fat???” Scratching your head? Feeling that anger boil up in you?
Here, here, here, dear men, let me tell you a secret. The test was not about deciphering the-“ I want ice-cream” sentence. The test is actually about how you react and act after you’ve already reacted to it. Get it? NO! Well, I’ll repeat it, it’s not about whether or not you got us the ice-cream, it’s about what you do after we react to your reaction.
Here, here, here, dear men, let me tell you a secret. The test was not about deciphering the-“I want ice-cream” sentence. The test is actually about how you react and act after you’ve already reacted to it. Get it? NO! Well, I’ll repeat it, it’s not about whether or not you got us the ice-cream. It’s about what you do after we react to your reaction. That is your test! And that’s where most of you hunters fail!
And believe me, it disappoints us… a lot!
We invest a lot in finding the right man. The right shampoo, right moisturizer, right lipstick, right eye shadow, right sunscreen, right dress, right shoes, right perfume. And when YOU don’t get it right despite our efforts, we seriously don’t take it lightly. We will speak of you, we will tell our sisters you are so not worth it and we will poke fun at you. However, when you do manage to be fruitful to our investments, we will first, feel pleasantly surprised and then later shower you with love and a whole lot of attention. It is just the way we are. But we will keep testing you. It never stops there! No more illusions. You will be tested throughout your life. And we women do it for your own good. To keep your wits up! To make sure your brain doesn’t dull and you remain youthful. The incidence of dementia is high in men; we only want to do you good.
Being a girl is good fun. It’s the most wonderful thing to be. You wouldn’t know! But we do. There is a saying most girls know, “Let a man keep thinking he rules!” We are gracious that way and so when we say we want better, we deserve it. Carry on hunting and we shall gather too. After all, we didn’t hone our gathering skills for nothing.