Confidential (18+)

WHAT TO DO AFTER SEX: ETIQUETTES OF THE AFTER…

23

We talk a lot about prepping for sex, we talk how to give and get the best performances, but we seldom talk about what to do after the event. So, suppose you just had a rumpus in the sack. Maybe you always wanted to be with this person, or maybe it was just a random hookup, whatever it may have been, the best of us can make slip-ups that make us want to kick ourselves in the gut. Regardless of whether you are in a long term committed relationship or you have had one of your regular one-night-stands, there are some things you can always do to make sure the aftermath of your lovemaking is pleasant and less awkward for all parties concerned.

Here’s something that we all can benefit from committed or casual:

You don’t need me to tell you that sex involves wetness and fluids and really good sex produces a lot of those. So what do you do with the wet patch? Even if you are not grossed out by the stickiness it can get uncomfortable lying in your own fluids. You don’t want to be rude either, asking your partner to take that side of the bed. You can either let the wet patch dry out or place a towel over it so you can be comfortable cuddling or whatever you enjoy doing afterwards.

Now that you have the wet patch taken care of, you can indulge in any amount of pillow talk, as you would like. If you are up for it, post coitus guff-gaff can be the best. Being relaxed, naked and more vulnerable than you usually are can bring out some serious conversations that can lead to really good bonding with your partner. But there are some no-go zones you’d do well to know. Good sex may not always happen, and no matter how disappointed you are you should NEVER bring up how crappy the sex was. Even if you say that the sex was okay, it is not cool. Exes are not a good post sex conversation either. What ever you maybe thinking your current partner does not want to feel like the third wheel or feel like they’re in a competition with your ex. Don’t bring up either your partner’s or your STI status. It is in really bad taste and what can you do if you do catch something or give them something? This is one conversation that you should be having before you get into bed.

Yes, we know that sex is a huge calorie burner and it will conk you out but gentlemen, falling asleep immediately after you have cum is not very respectful. Yes, it is true that men go through a refractory period when your arousal levels drop and your heartbeat slows down and you just want to sleep. But, you can try and fight that urge to doze off by engaging in some cuddling and complimenting each other. This is the time for interesting pillow talk. When you do drift off it’s nice to be always touching some part of your partner’s body so that they feel more secure about your relationship.

You should definitely kiss your partner after sex. Though it may not be the most fun experience tasting yourself in another’s mouth it’s a really nice gesture. It goes miles in showing how nice a person you are.

If you head straight for the shower once you have had sex (morning quickies are different) you will unwittingly make your partner feel unsanitary or imply that the sex with him/her was dirty. If you are the kind that needs your shower then how about inviting your partner in with you and making another fun make out session of it. Just don’t have too high an expectation of what it will be like.

Arguments should not be brought up right after sex. Sex is a great way to make up but surely the worst time to start a fight. You are both feeling vulnerable at this time and brining up negativity can make your partner feel worse and hurt them.

Also, sometimes the best of us tend to get ahead of ourselves and ask the stupidest of questions to our partners. Not only do we come across as insensitive and stupid we also may come across as irresponsible as well. Here’s a list of don’t ask questions

  • Was I good?
  • Who has been your best lay?
  • How many partners have you been with? Oh! That is more/less than me!
  • You don’t work out do you?
  • Where is your friend/cousin/sister/ mother?

ONE NIGHTERS

Those were a few dos and don’ts after sex for all kinds of couples in general but if you are into one-night-stands and want to make sure you avoid as many faux pas as possible then read on. It’s all about trying to show your best behavior regardless of whether you bring the person home or you are brought home.

If you brought the lovely person home, and he/she is still next to you in the morning, and you would rather they not be there, then you could make up an appointment (or even better always set a brunch date with your friends so you never have to lie and you can always share how un/amazing your sexual experience was without hurting anyone’s feelings!). That way you look like a busy person who has a normal social life instead of a douche who just wanted to get into a random person’s pants.

Don’t have any expectations for a romp in the morning or a girlfriend experience. Chances are both of you would rather not relive or be reminded of your last night’s encounter so offer to walk her to a cab, or if you are a super gentleman drop her home so she can avoid the walk of shame.

If you feel a real connection with the person then you can of course use your own judgment regarding whether to offer coffee or throw in breakfast as well. If all that goes well then you can get their number and full name as well but wait for a few days before you start stalking them on Facebook and sending out friend requests.

Now, if you are the person who ended up going to another person’s house then you don’t want to be identified as a lingerer and overstay your welcome. If the person who owns the house is up and about you should do the same and try to get away as soon as possible unless they really insist that you stay for coffee/breakfast but then too get out of their hair as soon as you can as they may just be being polite.

It’s always a good idea to have a toothbrush or mouthwash with you. If you think this is all tedious and you can’t be bothered to plan so much ahead then always make sure you have chewing gum- the one with xylitol so you can chew away morning breath. Avoid using the restroom for anything longer than a quick tinkle just to avoid awkward toilet moments in a new place.

I hope you found it useful. Cheers to having great experiences in bed and beyond… Enjoy !

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