In the contemporary age where our phones are way smarter than us, watches are becoming obsolete. Regardless, it is undeniable that watches are essential to a man’s wardrobe. Much like his shoes, one can tell a great deal about a man just by the watch he wears. Now, we’re not going to go all Sherlock and deduce that the scuff on the case of your watch was received when you a careless biker came too close to you and nudged you and somehow relate it to you being a distant relative of Moriarty (Sherlock reference, No? All right). Rather, we’ll be talking about the sorts of watches that have been in trend locally and a stereotypical view of the people who sport them.

“HIGH COPY” DANIEL WELLINGTON

 

You are a young adult who likes to post “artsy” pictures of literally anything and a huge bulk of your phone’s battery consumption is because of all the pop-up notifications you receive on the selfie you post, which you take with a selfie stick. You are up-to-date with the trends due to you social media activity, and that’s how you came across the watch. The watch was nothing special but that was the least of your concerns, it was the colorful bands that caught your eye. You impulsed bought one with a red-blue-white nato band for Rs. 2500 from an online seller who threw in a leather strap which you thought was a good deal. Now you regret it because the watches go up for Rs. 850 as of today and you don’t really know what outfit to wear with the red-blue-white strap . Everyone knows it’s fake.

APPLE WATCH

 

You hate the peasants who use Android. You advocate that anything other than Apple is just inferior when in fact you are just not willing to try something new. You fan boy over new releases and call each product revolutionary when the only thing that’s changed is your bank account. Everything you own is Apple, so “why not an Apple watch?” You got the watch just to make your aluminium aesthetics tingle and your ego more pronounced. You still pull out your phone to check the time and couldn’t care any less about the heart rate monitor nor the footstep tracker.

ALL RUBBER NIKE

You got this watch in a bundle pack of a USB drive and a memory card for Rs. 1000. You wear it like one of those rubber wristbands with random words and phrases like “No Fear”, “Obey” or “Bestfriend”. The Nike logo that graces the perimeter of the concealed display is not fooling anyone, but you wear it anyways because a) it’s a cool accessory to add to your jumble of beaded bracelets and b) it’s nice to know the time. Oh wait, you can’t see sh*t on it when outdoors.

CASIO EDIFICE

 

Constant social media advertisement lulled you into buying one of these. You got one in a steel band so that you could wear it with a suit, but the sleeve keeps bulging up because the case is too big. It was a splurge of Rs. 5000, so you chose to keep the band loose and let the the watch dangle, just like Salman Khan does with his bracelet. You don’t know how to work the chronograph function and honestly, the watch itself is a bit too heavy for you. The only exercise you do is the bicep curl when you flick your wrist to position the timepiece and raise it towards your face to avoid eye contact with someone.

G-SHOCK

 

G-Shocks are the beater watches. Throw one down from a building or roll a car over it, it’ll keep blinking. It’s a utilitarian watch but no, you don’t care about that. You just care about the fact that it looks flashy. You begged your parents for one ever since you saw it on Eminem’s wrist from the I Need a Doctor video, and you got one for your birthday; and though the watch comes in a rainbow of colors, you wanted one in white because all the cool kids had one in white. Or, you are in the army and you know the value of the watch. You go through rain and mud, know the importance of punctuality and know what a chronograph means and use it regularly to maintain the sovereignty of the country, in matte black. Salute to you sir!

DISCLAIMER:

Views and words expressed in this article are part of good humor. No offence is intended.