ENSEMBLES FOR THE GROOM-TO-BE: DRESSING UP MADE EASY

Traditional Daura Suruwal set from MONALISA EXCLUSIVE TEXTILES, DurbarMarg styled with Royal Pearl Jewellery and a white feathered brooch from MANYAVAR| Red Blazer with Dhaka lapels from POZAK, Gairidhara.

 PHOTO: SHASHANK PRADHAN

LOCATION COURTESY: GOKARNA FOREST RESORT

MODEL: VARUN SJB RANA

MAKE-UP ARTIST: SWASTIKA RAJBHANDARI

STYLED BY: TNM TEAM

It’s a good idea to be on point for your wedding. After all, all eyes are going to be on you and you might as well be worth the attention. That means that you have give attention to details. With so many things going on, it is very easy to neglect your ensemble.

Nepali weddings go on for days, for the groom there are three days that stand out. First is the bachelor night where you live the last few hours as a bachelor. Then is the swayambar, where you officially exchange rings with your soon to be better half. Last is the reception party where you introduce yourself as a married man to the society.

During the bachelor party, you surely are to get carried away with what your friends have planned for you. So in our cheat sheet we have assembled for you the things which require minimal effort. Also we have carefully selected accessories which you might require during the party. On that note, try carrying fewer accessories as you are likely to lose track of them as the night goes by. A sign that the bachelor party was legendary.

On to the Swayambar, which is a traditional ritual in a Nepali wedding, where the bride and the groom exchange rings as a promise to be beside each other till their last breath. Keeping in mind the level of nervousness one might be experiencing we have put together a combination for daura surwal along with few accessories. For this day make sure you look sharp, have a clean shave and that you wear a pair of new socks as you are the center of attraction.

Finally, on the reception you will be introduced as a married man to the society, so make sure you look your best that night. Along with your tuxedo try incorporating accessories such as cufflinks, pocket squares, watches among others.

Before getting out of your room for your big day, check this cheat sheet so that you will be prepared for every event that comes your way.

 

THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO THROWING A BACHELOR PARTY

PHOTO: SHASHANK PRADHAN

LOCATION COURTESY: GOKARNA FOREST RESORT

MODEL: VARUN SJB RANA

MAKE-UP ARTIST: SWASTIKA RAJBHANDARI

STYLED BY: TNM TEAM

WORDS: SAMYUKTA DAWADI

BATTLING COLD FEET: WEDDING ISSUE

 

Black Tuxedo Jacket with a Maroon Shawl Lapel | White Tuxedo Shirt from MONALISA EXCLUSIVE TEXTILES, Durbar Marg | Maroon Silk Tie from JOHN PLAYERS, Durbar Marg.

This is what you’ve always really wanted. To spend the rest of your life with the woman you love, start a new life, a new family. Take on newer, greater responsibilities. You are going to get married to your soul mate. Or are you? Maybe you’re rushing into things. Do you want to be tied down to one woman for the rest of your life? Is this what you really want?

It is common to get anxious as you get closer to your wedding day. For some it can be subtle lack in confidence and surety, some might just one last fling before getting hitched while for some may seemingly realize that they are making a huge mistake. Luckily, most of the time, this freak-out period just means you’re suffering from a case of pre-wedding jitters; more commonly known as cold feet.

When we are first involved with someone, we tend to focus and love the things we have in common with them. Even our differences with them can seem exciting at first. However, as intimate relationships progress, differences can come more to the fore leading to conflicts and even feelings of estrangement. This is normal, but many people are confused by this dynamic. Many people have the notion that there is a ‘perfect match’ for them and that the happiness and success of marriage depends on finding this match. With this view, there is a lot of pressure riding on the choice of partner. Normal differences between partners including natural differences in intimacy and communication styles induce doubts about compatibility. If you’re expecting everything to be conflict free and close to perfect, it can produce a lot of uncertainty when the reality doesn’t coincide.

It is frequently the case that as couples get closer to marriage, they encounter new areas of conflict that surprise them. The terrible thing about these feelings is that they can be a lonely burden. Most people view this feeling, or what we term cold feet, as unacceptable feelings that cannot be shared-certainly not with their partner. So what can you do when you are suffering from this last minute nervousness and how can you tackle these feelings in a wholesome manner? Read on.

ACCEPT THE FACTS:

Get comfortable with the idea that you’re making a choice to stay in this relationship even though you’re feeling anxious. The more you accept, the more easily you will work through your anxiety. One of the crucial differences between those who work through relationship anxiety and those who remain stuck in it, is the ability to remove the voice in your head that keeps saying, “I’m anxious because I’m with the wrong girl. If I was with the right person, I wouldn’t feel anxious and I would be happily engaged and excitedly planning my wedding.” This is the lie you’re telling yourself so that you don’t have to dive into the deeper, more uncomfortable feelings. As long as you keep thinking the problem is your partner, you have an easy escape hatch from your anxiety.

DEAL WITH YOUR FEELINGS:

Once you take full responsibility for your anxiety, you can start to dive into the terrain of your inner landscape and explore what’s living there. This is not an easy work as it requires understanding that feeling grief, loss, fear, vulnerability and loneliness are inherent to any life transition. As you let go of your identity and lifestyle as a single person, it’s normal to feel loss and fear. The more you allow yourself to feel these uncomfortable feelings instead of distracting yourself from them (through focusing on the planning or attaching to your negative thoughts), the more quickly they will pass through you and you’ll experience the joy, excitement, and clarity that you’re longing to feel.

“ONCE YOU TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ANXIETY, YOU CAN START TO DIVE INTO THE TERRAIN OF YOUR INNER LANDSCAPE AND EXPLORE WHAT’S LIVING THERE.”

YOUR BEST FRIEND:

There is always one person that you will have throughout your marriage process that will always be by your side. It can be your brother, your best friend or anyone you’re closest to. He is your equivalent of the best man. He is your confidant and if there is anyone who can help with your feelings about cold feet, it is him. Be honest with him and he’ll give you the straight goods on whether you’re being totally irrational or have a valid concern. Don’t exclusively consult the man in the mirror, as you’re not likely to be in the best position to determine whether or not you’re being irrational! Put well-earned faith in your best man and trust his judgment.

TALK ABOUT IT WITH YOUR FIANCÉE IF POSSIBLE (NOT ALWAYS RECOMMENDED)

If you and your bride to be are great communicators, it’s okay to voice that you’re a bit nervous. She may be nervous, too. By talking about it, you may be able to unravel the small knot in your stomach. If your nervousness to marry is based on a few minor problems with her that you’d like to see changed in married life, you can initiate this discussion with her in a positive tone. She probably has a short wish list of constructive criticisms as well. Keep the conversation positive, with the accent not on the fact that you’re a bit cold-footed, but on improving your relationship.

Challenge the false thoughts: There are false thoughts that you’ll need to challenge, with a different protocol for each type: one is the unrealistic expectations of romance and marriage and another is one’s personal false beliefs that one has about love. These involve thoughts like, “If I really loved her, I would feel 100 percent certain about being with her and would never feel doubt”, “true love means feeling that feeling.” If you are feeling so, what you really need to realise is that you have spent a lifetime absorbing the dysfunctional cultural messages about love and marriage. Now you need to get real and immerse yourself in the truth. Everything in our culture, from the time you were young, has set you up to believe that your wedding would be a great moment and something that should commence without any negative feelings.

“EVERYTHING IN OUR CULTURE, FROM THE TIME YOU WERE YOUNG, HAS SET YOU UP TO BELIEVE THAT YOUR WEDDING WOULD BE A GREAT MOMENT AND SOMETHING THAT SHOULD COMMENCE WITHOUT ANY NEGATIVE FEELINGS.”

But the truth is that, for many people, transitions are doorways into wholeness, opportunities to excavate deep-seated false beliefs and untended wounded so that you can heal them and experience greater joy and fulfilment on the other side of the transition. Most people don’t know this, and how would they? Nothing in our culture prepares us for this reality.

It is completely common to feel anxious about getting married. It is one of the biggest milestones of anyone’s life. What follows after is usually a good fairytale with a few hiccups, but mild apprehension before it is completely understandable. However, letting these feelings of apprehension get in the way of and hindering your wedding is a mistake you might live to regret. Of course, now that you have a basic guide of how to go about things, it shouldn’t be a problem.

PHOTO: SHASHANK PRADHAN

LOCATION COURTESY: GOKARNA FOREST RESORT

MODEL: VARUN SJB RANA

MAKE-UP ARTIST: SWASTIKA RAJBHANDARI

STYLED BY: TNM TEAM

WORDS: SAMYUKTA DAWADI