Chari is a Public Health consultant who has a special interest and work experience in the sexual health. She also hosts a radio program it on.

Getting a woman to have sex with you is one thing, getting her to orgasm can be  whole different ballgame. Pleasuring a woman to orgasm is not an event, it is a process. It isn’t enough to know what she likes in bed, you have to be on top of your  game to be of any use on top of her.

When it comes to sex, for a woman it’s all in the head because the brain is ‘the’ sexiest organ in the body. Sexual satisfaction and emotional intimacy go hand in hand. Regardless of whether you are looking for a long-term relationship or just in it for the bang, if you can satisfy a girl’s emotional needs at that point in time, you are going to have better sex.

One thing you do have to understand and remember while making love is that a woman’s sexual arousal is different from a man’s arousal. While arousal happens quickly for guys, a woman takes time to get into the mood. If you’re a carbonated drink, ready to pop, she is a simmering pot of water. Once she is in the mood, she stays in it for a long time. There are a couple of things you can do right that will pretty much guarantee an awesome experience for your partner.

Porn has men thinking that 2 minutes of “to the point” foreplay is good enough. Make time for foreplay and once you are at it take time. The thing about foreplay is you can start it even before the two of youare physically together. Send your partner sexy texts or call her and tell her about the things you are looking forward to do with her. It’s all in her head and you will already be turning her on.

When you get to the real deal, keep these things in mind. Make her feel special, be gentle while you are going down on her. You can listen and feel her cues if you are trying to figure out what works best for her. You can always ask her too. The likelihood that she will return the favor is much much more if you treat her first.

Women’s imaginations are very active and are not as into visual appearances as men are. You can turn your woman on just by using the right words. Keep the momentum going by whispering sweet nothings in her ears or talk about fantasies. Keep those kisses coming with the words! Compliment her too! Everyone loves being appreciated in bed. It’s easy to get a little intimidated and inhibited in bed so to keep your partner feeling sexy and raunchy let her know when you find something fascinating about her. While you are touching her mentally and emotionally, there can only be better sex if you touch her and play with her body as well. Yes, you are probably happy that you are inside her and doing your thing, but don’t stop focusing on the rest of her body. Stroke her, massage her, grab her- make her feel like you can’t have enough of her.

Don’t’ let sex get boring. If you have the same repetitive sex repertoire then you are both not going to be so into it. Spice it up for the both of you by trying new positions, new places to have sex, start having sex in one part of your house and then move to your bedroom. Doggy style is one way to spice it up, but remember if that’s all you want to do all the time, then it becomes tedious and boring. Women like to feel connected to the person they are having sex with so combine the doggy with some other positions like the woman on top or lotus so you both feel connected. Many men forget in the throes of passion that the doggy is a very convenient position to play with a woman’s clitoris! Most women achieve orgasm through just clitoral stimulation.

You can also try bringing in some role-play into your routine. Playing sex games ca be fun and refreshing for the both of you. One of the sexiest parts of role-play is that it needs some preparation. So when your partner are getting ready for the role-play, she is also already getting in the zone mentally which acts like an aphrodisiac and is a part of the foreplay. Spontaneous sex has its perks but so does planning and anticipation.

Make it risqué! Get as outrageous as you dare. The more wild and outrageous you feel the sexier sex can be. Try something you have never done before. Have or initiate sex where you could potentially be discovered like the stairwell of your house where your in-laws live, or in the hallway with a party going on, have sex near your bedroom window. Blindfold each other so that all your other senses are heightened. If you’re out dancing, grope in the dark(each other of course!).

Never underestimate the sensuality of a kiss, or a nibble, or a bite, or a lick or sucking. These are ways to express your passion for your partner. They will definitely make her feel desired and more likely to reach orgasm.

Talk to your partner about what she likes and what her fantasies are. If you have been together for some time, you will know where her erogenous zones are. Fantasies and erogenous zones can be triggers for good sexual memories and often even just the hint of what is to come can really turn a woman on.

Sometimes in the heat of the moment we can forget about our partners and only focus on ourselves. If you really want to satisfy your woman in bed and give her amazing orgasms you have to put her needs before yours. Understand her needs and wants and make sure she is feeling comfortable. It also means you have to let her orgasm first. Let’s face it, if you orgasm first, the chances of her orgasming after is pretty slim. Men can learn how to control their erections and keep going or orgasm without losing their erections. It won’t happen just like that but you can practice and condition your body to perform, as you want.

Here’s how to put the icing on the cake, so to speak. It is true that after an orgasm men do go into what is called a refractory period when his blood pressure sinks and he loses his erection. This can make men feel sleepy, which is why men often turn over, and fall asleep. Even though women can understand this is a physiologic thing, it can make your partner feel rejected or used. You can try to stay awake long enough to say to enjoyed being with her, love her, can’t wait to do it again and fall asleep cuddling her. That is always a winner and sure to guarantee you and your partner more than one orgasm! Enjoy!

P.S. If you really want to know what women like and how to pleasure her watch some girl on girl porn!