Disney has a way of creating movies that push all the right buttons that can make a grown man cry. Double that with spectacular animation and you have an Oscar candidate right there. They may just be cartoons, but their stories stick around for quite a bit. One of such movies is Up, and the scene I’m referring to is the montage of Carl and Ellie that goes from their marriage to Ellie’s eyeball wrenching demise. The only satisfaction we have from the scene is that the couple had an impressively happy relationship; even after a soul crippling miscarriage.

Now look at the relationship we are in. We’ve been going out with this amazing person for a couple of years now, but being with them isn’t as euphoric as it used to be. Kissing them seems like a chore, morning wood is frowned upon, and anniversaries don’t seem to lead to something more anymore. When confronted with a fix like such, no man fails to wonder: where did I go wrong?

There are many theories to this; but the most convincing one is that we have begun to take our partners for granted. To be more clear, when we get into a relationship, our insides are infested with little winged creatures that eventually fly away once we start to get comfortable. And then we get married, these butterflies return, only to flee once again. The honeymoon phase seems to be a cycle.

This fact is hard on us and maybe that’s why we men have a high suicide rate; we just can’t put 2 and 2 together here. But the fact we tend to overlook is that we think that there is no hope. Just because you two are not fornicating as much as you did does not mean that they don’t love you anymore. They do. There are just fewer things to explore now. So, if you’re taking hints, new areas to explore is what you need to create, more adventure, and here’s how you can do that and rekindle the fire in your dwindling and sexless marriage.

WHY DID YOU FALL IN THE FIRST PLACE

Maybe it was their smile, the way they move their hands when they talk, or how creases populate around their eyes when they laugh; there must be some reasons why you fell in love with them. Over time, we tend to take all of these good qualities of them for granted. If you were to live in Taj Mahal, it won’t take you long to stop marvelling at the Mugal craftsmanship. Relationships aren’t like jeans, they don’t get better after being lived in. So, re-realize your partner’s qualities and think that you’re the luckiest man alive, and be glad that you have them.

A HANDY TIP

Time and physical contact have an inversely proportionate relationship; as time goes by, touch decreases. And touch is directly proportionate to getting action; more touch gives more sin. So touch your partner more often. Hold their hand while watch the T.V., give them a shoulder rub every now and then, pat them when they make you laugh, a hug when you or they get home, keep a quota of a kiss a day; touching makes them feel comfortable and secure around you.

NO DISTRACTIONS

No one is built equal so you and your partner don’t have the same level of arousal. You may get aroused and stay that way for long, but they may not. But when you do get them there, make sure you keep them there. One way the horny-o-meter drops is due to distractions. If you remember that you have to do the dishes or the laundry, sex will not be as indulgent as it was supposed to be. So clear out everything before you find yourselves between the sheets.

MAKE A LIST

They may like to have their ears kissed or have your nails run down their back. If know these, you’re going to hell if you don’t do enough of them. Make a list of things you know they like and make it a point to perform every one of them when you’re in bed together. When you do experiment, keep track of their reactions. Keep a scale of reactions that goes from dozing-off to ear-bleeding-moans and rate your new move accordingly. If the latter is achieved, the move deserves a high spot on the list and they’ll want more of it.

COMPLIMENTS

The mind-set of if-it-ain’t-broke-why-fix-it is common. It may be true, but the flip side of it can be disadvantageous; if it’s working okay, why bother to talk about it at all? When they’re returning the favour and you’re enjoying it, let them know. Tell them you love it when they do that. Saying that will let them know they’re doing the right thing and encourage them to do it more, and even look forward to doing it for you next time.

BIG BOY TOY

Technology has collaborated with a wide number of things and one of them is the human sex drive. Humanity has created tools to pleasure itself and when such resources are available to us, why not exploit it. Spice the usual session by bringing in a special friend to give you a hand; your partner will appreciate the extra company. Just don’t go overboard right away with a veiny looking 4-foot one.

SPEAKING OF SPICING THINGS UP…

Have you considered BDSM? It may sound a bit like torture, but sweet pain is a thing. Think of it like how you may love to stroke that bit of skin that has flayed on your finger tip. There’s a line between pleasure and pain, however, so make sure that you don’t overdo it. Many fantasize of being overpowered and have things done to them that are unspeakable; so make the best of it. Then again, go slow. There’s no rush.

GROOM YOURSELF

When they say that they like to be overpowered, they mean by a Christen Grey sort of guy, not a ski-mask wearing, hairy, rapey kind of guy. So take a flash back to the time when you two had just hit it off. You’d pump some iron, shower, shave, wear nice cologne, and put on a suit to go out with them. That was your ticket to ride. And now that you’ve gotten comfortable with them, you’ve swapped that ticket with your notion of sweatpants and ratty tees being dressy. You’ve been sloppy, and sloppy is synonymous to not sexy. Not sexy equals minimal sex.

SNEAK ONE IN

They invented kid shows for a reason; to get the attention of children and make something out of their time. So while your little ones are being babysat by Blu’s Clues, run up to the bed room for a quickie; they’ll never find out. And remember that bit about being adventurous? This does that.

WHEN YOU DON’T WANT IT

Now that you’ve played everything right, your partner will have a hard time resisting you. But what happens when all you want is a beauty sleep after a long day? Well, just go with it. See, if you hit all the right spots and they do the same, you’re bound to have a good time. In addition, you’re being refreshed whilst saving your marriage; a win-win, no?

Compiled by: Nirveek PPJ Shah