SURVIVING A Chick Flick
For the majority of the male population, most chick flicks are a bore. They’re a series of unrealistic coincidences and clichés linked into a story that was aided by none other than a trigger happy cupid on cocaine.
There are only a few of us that would go to the cinema to sit through one of these mushy overkills. Maybe with the ex- ception of the first few dates where you are trying to en- sconce yourself as the male pro- tagonist of the movie into the subconscious of your date. Even then you’re mustering all your strength to control the urge to stand up, flip the bird and walk off; while your date, who hasn’t yet noticed, is transfixed on the screen clutching a tissue and watching the couple overcome the 37th obstacle that has stood in the path of their love.
But women love it, and they expect you to like it too (or at least pretend to). In fact, your
love wants you to learn some- thing from the movie, which is probably the main reason she has dragged you along with her. Chances are, she’d much rather enjoy the movie with her girl- friends who would appreciate the tragic romance (gag).
The truth is, women yearn to experience a love story of their own and preferably in as ex- travagant a fashion as in the movies. And you can be the hero! As in any romantic mov- ie, you are the guy in context who falls in love with the girl (her) and you overcome your
They’re a series of unrealistic coincidences and clichés linked into a story that was aided by none other than a trigger happy cupid on cocaine.
shortcomings to become the ideal lover with whom she will live happily ever after.
So the next time your girlfriend makes you sit through one of these snooze fests, stuff your mouth with popcorn and try to make the best of the situation. Here are a few tips to help get you through the movie.
They’re a series of unrealistic coincidences and clichés linked into a story that was aided by none other than a trigger happy cupid on cocaine.
1. Avoid the theaters
It’s one thing to have your girl- friend sniffle silently in your arms, but imagine being sur- rounded by emotional women weeping all around. Plus, you don’t get the opportunity to be as “comfortable” as you want in a crowded theatre. When in fact, a chick flick is the perfect setting to get to be “comfort- able”, if you catch my drift. Luckily for us, not a lot of chick flicks screen in Nepali theaters. But when they do, you’ll have to look for some very good excuses to get yourself out of one.
2. Be Ready
Prepare yourself before you sit through the movie. The movie is going to set unrealistic stan- dards for men (yes, the shoe is on the other foot now). It will also be a barrage of unfathom- able coincidences and clichés after the other. Your partner will weep; you will have to comfort her in your arms while simultaneously suppressing the urge to explain to her that that was just a load of bull crap. Prepare yourself to endure.
3. Take Breaks
Maybe you did buy one soda too many. Now you have to go to the bathroom, and again. And again. Why don’t you go get your girlfriend something to munch on? Who knows, maybe youhavetogototheATMto get some cash. Maybe there’s a long queue…
4. Think Happy Thoughts
Every man harnesses the pow- er to stare blankly into space and live in a world of his own without anyone having to know about it; use that power. While Amanda and Dawson reconcile their love you can be in a room with Scarlet Johansson, Adriana Lima and Katrina Kaif sharing your experience of backpack- ing through Barcelona. Maybe you’re all naked…
Whenever you are watching these romantic movies, you risk the chance of becoming an ass on account of your logic and realism
5. Hot Women
Chances are, if you’re in a the- atre for a chick flick, there are going to be hot chicks there (and in greater number than men). Cross your fingers and pray for short skirts.
Whenever you are watching these romantic movies, you risk the chance of becoming an ass on account of your logic and realism. Remember, this movie means a lot to your girlfriend/ wife/date. There are things you should avoid doing while strug- gling through the movie:
• Do not laugh: Even if Daw- son survives a 100 foot fall and avoids hyperthermia despite being in the ice-cold ocean for 4 hours because he sees a vision of Amanda, do not laugh (out loud).
• Do not complain: Yes, watching two people go through the most unlikely and bizarre events in quick succession is utter bull, but complain about it and she will take notice.
• Do not dose off: Drift away into your happy place, yes, but do not dose off. If you’re thinking about naked Scarlet, Adriana and Katrina, you’re not going to be asleep.
• Don’t make fun of her:
The last thing you want to do is make fun of her for crying about fictional char- acters in bizarrely unrealis- tic situations. You will not be getting lucky for a long time after that.
• Don’t be too obvious: She knows you hate being there, but don’t make it seem too obvious. Exasperated sighs followed by stuffing your face noisily with popcorn will not be graciously welcomed.
